Boys Will Be Boys

Exploring the contemporary experience of queer men, gender roles and toxic masculinity.

Mark (hair again) Harrigan. He/Him.

Introducing Mark Harrigan, he’s fifty-two, he lives in Newtown where he owns his own barbershop and hair salon. He’s also a proudly gay man.

His years on this earth have provided him with far more wisdom and insight than that of your average barber. Queer culture isn’t just his bread and butter, it’s his scissors and shampoo.

Mark knew he was gay from a young age and made queer culture and its communities his world.

I was lucky enough to get an hour of Mark’s free time and discuss his life. He was open and eager to talk, and I was eager to listen and to learn.

Mark told me of his lovely parents and family that was always supportive of their children, regardless of their sexuality. He told me about his views on progression, pride, and, acceptance in Australia.

As well as some instances in which people have shown Mark that this shift towards progression, might be happening slower in some places than others.

Health, Relationships and the Queer Community

Gay men are a subgroup vulnerable to depression and suicidality. The prevalence of depression among gay men is three times higher than the general adult population.

Because depression is a known risk factor for suicide, gay men are also at high risk for suicidality.

Despite the high prevalence of depression and suicidality, health researchers and health care providers have tended to focus on sexual health issues, most often human immunodeficiency virus in gay men.

Related to this, gay men’s health has often been defined by sexual practices, and poorly understood are the intersections of gay men’s physical and mental health with social determinants of health including ethnicity, locale, education level, and socioeconomic status.

It has been estimated that the majority of global HIV infections among gay and bisexual men (GBM) can be attributed to sex within a committed relationship.

In Australia, however, negotiated safety, whereby HIV-negative regular partners agree to discard condoms with each other but commit to consistent condom use with other partners, has been promoted as a key component of the HIV prevention response. One study showed that GBM recently diagnosed with HIV to describe their relationship to the person they believed to be the source of their infection ('source person').

The majority (66.1%) ascribed their infection to a casual partner. A further 23.3% ascribed their infection to a non-committed and non-romantic partner (or 'fuckbuddy').

Only 10.6% believed they had acquired their HIV from a 'boyfriend' in the context of a committed romantic relationship, and 51.7% of these occurred within the first 3 months following their first sexual contact.

Most men (61.5%) believed they had acquired their HIV infection on the first occasion they had sex with the source person.

Toxic Masculinity

If you don’t already know what toxic masculinity is you may be asking right now “what is toxic masculinity?”

Toxic describes a plethora of repressive ideas about the role of the male gender, that defines masculinity as inflated masculine traits like being aggressive, detached, sexually assertive, and so forth.

This also suggests that men who act too emotionally or maybe aren’t macho enough or don’t do all of the things that “real men” do, can get their “man card” taken away.

Many people confuse the difference between Masculinity and toxic Masculinity. However, one can be masculine without having toxic Masculinity.

Some traits of toxic masculinity are:

Interactions between men and women always have to be competitive and not cooperative.

men can never truly understand women and that men and women can never just be friends.

That men need to be strong and that showing emotion is a sign of weakness.

The idea that men can never be victims of abuse and talking about it is shameful.

The idea that violence is the answer to everything and that men solve their problems through violence.

The idea that any interest in a range of things that are strictly considered feminine would be an emasculation of a man.